The Six Stages
of Rejection
By
Larry Buege
As a seasoned author with
ten years of rejection experience, I feel it is my duty to share my expertise
with those who are just beginning their arduous journeys down that road of
rejection. Sooner or later, all authors
must succumb to that irresistible urge to submit rejection requests
(queries). To mentally prepare them for
this task, I offer the Six Stages of Rejection.
May the Lord have mercy on their souls.
Stage One (Euphoria): The
manuscript is now complete and has received rave reviews from family
members. Countless hours have been spent
sifting through agency listings in the most current Writer’s Market. Web sites
have been closely scrutinized, and the pros and cons of each agency
meticulously logged. Finally, the
candidates are narrowed down to ten prestigious agencies. Query letters with sample chapters are sent
out by registered mail for overnight delivery.
While awaiting the expected response, a set of interview questions is
compiled.
Stage Two (Denial): Rejection letters begin to
accumulate in the mailbox. This cannot
be! Surely there is a mistake. Envelopes must have been inadvertently
switched in the mailroom by some incompetent minion on minimum wage. It is only a matter of time before the phone will
ring, and an apologetic agent will beg for forgiveness. The apology will be magnanimously
accepted. Anyone can make an honest
mistake.
Stage Three (Bitterness): The last of
the rejection letters have arrived. Most
are addressed to “Dear Author.” A few
have the author’s name penciled in.
Surely the agents must know the rejection letters would be recognized
for what they are—impersonal form letters sent to countless authors across the
nation. They could have at least spelled
the name right. And did they really
think Larry was a nickname for Loretta?
All that information was available on the website if they had taken time
to research whom they were rejecting.
Stage Four (Vengeance): More queries
have been sent, and more rejections have been received. The rejection notices are painstakingly
placed in a scrapbook by chronological order.
It is only a matter of time before someone discovers the manuscript’s
true literary value. Then the agents
responsible for those callous rejection notices will be contacted and their
noses ignominiously rubbed into their literary incompetence. The mere thought of this vindication provides
a bit of personal satisfaction.
Stage Five (Depression): The rejection
notices continue to accumulate but are now stuffed loosely into the rejection
scrapbook. It is obvious the editors and
agents are not even reviewing the proffered material. They have no interest in unpublished
authors. Fame and fortune is viewed as a
wistful dream. Cold Turkey will never be published, and the world will never
discover how the Yoopers repulsed the President’s preemptive strike against
Stage Six (Acceptance): Finally
there is an epiphany. Fame and fortune
is no longer relevant. Query letters are
still submitted to agents only because that is what writers do. The rejection notices are perfunctorily
logged on spreadsheets to keep track of queried agents—nothing more. The writing process has now become a totally
adequate reward. Words are placed on
paper. Paragraphs are molded into
stories. Literary works, unread except
by the closest of friends, begin to accumulate on the bookshelf. There are no further thoughts of forsaking
the seductive call of the word processor.
Writing has become the reason for living. The companionship that the computer will
provide in life’s waning years is viewed with anticipation, not regret. For now it is known that old writers never
die—their muse just fades away.